“upon my return you  must not wait” muriel

waiting decades confident we will be reunited she will need me to care for her ­— love

treat mom like the baby ­— denise normalizing mom    a parent at age 3    spencer worshipping her    i igniting arguments for my obstinence ­— middle child

deity ­— she has followers and worshippers    no time for a husband and demanding children her chosen disciples ask for spiritual guidance    clairvoyant wisdom ­— we ask what’s for dinner and please pass the salt

first contact ­— i just came back from venus    my astral body traveled    venusians wear long robes and communicate telepathically   barbara and i sat listening   we were 13 barbara told her mom   she responds NO ONE CAN GO TO VENUS ­— how can you be so sure?

beautifulborderline ­— wild shopping sprees   violent fights   the lighted way   magnetic sunshine sincere warmth    days holed up in her bedroom   sleeping in a chair to keep chakras open commune in topanga canyon    channeling the master djual khul    conversations with god   correcting her name to her past life self ­— egyptian goddess isis

celestial ­— i can no longer have physical contact with human beings    declared    mom   i was 15  ­— divorce

longing ­— research   therapy   maturity   acceptance   empathy    admiration   respect   time   love ­— nowhere to be found  

ethereal ­— the phone rings    the voice responds    identified her body    neighbor complained of smell     dental records    30 days postmortem    decomposing body    stacks of composition notebooks filled line after line page after page book upon book ­— if i stay awake i will be taken



there is a journey which i must make;

it goes beyond yon garden gate;

over the meadow and over the lake;

and upon my return you must not wait!

muriel isis, the testament of the light, 1967